causing awe

veraciously , i really can't take it anymore .

if i were to appear in the news tomorrow that i committed suicide , what will the response be ?

" oh , i thought she got over it already . so she haven't . must have been tough on her . and it's such a waste . she have a bright future ."

honestly , no one will care . or maybe do , talking about good gossip .

i know , some of you are there , but really , it doesn't help . many times i'll just be alone and everything gets back again . nobody understands . . nobody . . i really tried to move on . i did . then , something you did will hit me so hard back to square one again . it's so difficult for me , yet so easy for you . and you're selfish enough not to even let me get out of this torturing circle .

i hate the way how i'm dying , suffocating , and trying to survive each day while you enjoy your single life so much now and awing ? having friends all there for you when you don't even need to recover from anything ! why ?! it's not like i'm a bimbo girlfriend who makes you hate this relationship so much . and why at this really really lowest point of my life you've to throw this at me ?!

now i need to clear up all the mess you've made and myself ? fuck this love . till now i choose to believe that you're not that heartless . i choose to believe that whom i've fallen in love with , do , at least , still have that very little feelings , having us been through so much . i choose to believe that , my choice of standing by you at your difficult moments few years back was never my mistake . but ?? and remember . i gave up my everything to be there for you . now that you find your " meaning in life " , you fucking ripped my heart off .

i really don't want all this hatred to get the better of me . i hate this . but it keeps coming back to me . . that you're just so cruel . and like what you've taught me , in life , sometimes you'll just have to be unsympathetic in order to triumph . i wish i could save all the tears i've cried for you . i'll drown you in them .

now this keep ringing in my head . to blame myself . i shouldn't have loved you back . but if i were to be able to choose again . right there and then in the mrt where it all started . . i guess i would . beacuse i enjoyed every single moment with you . and i really do love you . but now i wonder . which part of your words were ever real ? it's completely impossible to find a guy who won't ever hurt you . so go for the guy who will make the pain worthwhile . and i think i did .

there's only one reason why a guy dumps you . he doesn't want you anymore . get this right and get this into your head . yes . after all that we've been through , this . and what are you going to do ? yes , be all useless . whine . cry . curse . while he , awing . that you're crying over him . makes him all heroic yeah ? such agony .

i'm waiting for the day you realised what you've gave up on . you'll look back and think " she really did love me ." and once you realise what you had was good , i'll be long gone . you were never a waste of time . you were just the harsh realisation that i should've known better . i miss being a kid ; cause skinned knees are easier to heal than broken hearts .

people think that it is holding on that make you stronger . but sometimes , it's letting go . baby , i'll do anything to keep us from going down , but i can't do it myself . i'm not going to stress over you anymore , it isn't worth it . i tried to work something out but you just ignored it . i'm not trying to say i don't want you beacuse i definitely do . all i'm saying is i'm done chasing after you . a million words would not bring you back . i know , because i've tried . neither a million tears i know i've cried .

after awhile i've learnt the difference between holding a hand and falling in love . i begin to learn that kisses don't always mean something and promises can be broken just as quickly as they are made and sometimes goodbyes really are forever . guess i'll never get to call you mine ever again .

so move on ! he's just a chapter in the past . don't close the book . just turn the page . and here's to teenage romance . and not knowing why it hurts like hell .

thank you darling , for everything you've done to make this relationship possible . i love you . and i forever will . *hugs&kisses*